The Sabrina.
You know why we're here? To be out.
This... is out!
And you know why I haven't written on this blog for so long? Because of Tumblr.
This... is not Tumblr.
I'm sorry, I just have all these things going on, I sometimes forget I have a blog to write it all out about to. It just seems that Tumblr, with its gazillion photographs and reblog feature, is just my side of the world where I become an Ally of a few words. And sometimes, I have a bunch of things on my mind, of which I can't ever seem to get rid of.
Actually life has been very interesting nowadays. Not just because baseball season has become increasingly interesting (just today, the Yankees won two points ahead of the Red Sox in the 9th inning--11-9, man, wahoo!), but because God's given me so many good things, a selective number of which have gone away, and the best things (He has decided) He has let them stay.
Yesterday, my best friend Sabrina came over to our home. The last time she came was summer of 2006 (and I know this for a fact, because I made a whole entry about it in my old diary), and my younger brother accidentally cut a portion of her younger sister's hair that day. And I got my first cellphone that day. Sweet.
It was so fun having her over, just talking and spending time with one another. My brother showed her some YouTube videos, we played a few games on the Wii (which did I mention was given to us by my uncle and aunt because they simply had not much use for it?) and we shared a box of After Eight chocolate mint thins (my new favorite chocolate). I also showed her my comic book collection and we read a few comics while watching Sabrina, the 1954 Audrey Hepburn classic, starring Audrey Hepburn (of course), Humphrey Bogart, and William Holden.
In those hours I got to spend with Sabrina, it was the first in a long time where I didn't feel the worry or the weight of the world upon my shoulders or that I felt I was reaching for the moon. I was just absolutely grateful that she was my best friend, even if for only a while, or for only a day, or a second, and I didn't feel like I had to see the world as something I had to go against myself. I had someone else with me who made the world seem so unimportant, but I knew it was still very wonderful because it made me and Sabrina both grow up and find ourselves exactly the same.
I guess you could say it was just God, or it was just Something so great and so generous, that gave me the assurance that she would be my best friend forever. And I hope so too, no matter how dangerous the world could get.
After dropping off Rina at her home (I gave her one of my pairs of boots and a batch of brownies to bring home also), we attended a party at Shakey's. It was the 1st birthday of a little boy named Gabe born with a terrible disease and was cured by extracting the weaker of his lungs. It's a miracle that he's healthy and happy now, and more proof that God knows the best way how to save a life.
The entire time, my mind just was never on the party or the balloons or the provocative dancing Captain Shakey was doing in front of all us guests (well that did strike me a whole lot, but I easily overcame it). There were just so many children there. Not that it was a terrible thing, of course not.
It was just that there were so many children there, and I keep on thinking that someone has to take care of all of them, has to love them, has to set them free, and has to teach them the distinction between God and the world. And there are so many things they don't know, and I hope they don't find these things out soon or they might be terrified of how the world and reality is.
And for a long time, I've been thinking that someday I'll have to take responsibility for someone like these little ones.
Yes, my own kid. I once told Erk I wanted to name my kid Jimmy. Well, if I ever would get a son, that is.
Actually Jimmy exists in my subconcious world of fantasy as a little blonde child whom I adopted from the orphanage when he was about two or three. And I keep on praying that if I ever have a child or adopt one that I would make his life a wonderful life, that I would set him free and just make him happy. I just want to take care of someone for the rest of my life, is all. And I want Jimmy to grow up and become a wonderful man, an intelligent man, a loving man, a wise man. I don't want him to be perfect, because I can't take care of a perfect child, but I just want to love Jimmy, if God would give Jimmy to me.
And I really love Jimmy, just the idea of a curious little child in need of a mother--even if he exists in my mind as the embodiment of a gift from God, and perfectly wonderful in every way.
And also, last night, something happened and I became absolutely head over heels.
Well between myself and I (and Rina also), this could be quite a topic of conversation, but for anyone else daring to read this blog, I just can't explain everything.
I find it unfair that I can easily be the most uninteresting person alive, but I think I've learned how to deal with the odd vibe of awkwardness emanating from my words. No, really.
Possibly it was because at the beginning, Sabrina was helping me out and everything, both my best friend and the movie. Sabrina the best friend helped me out by advising me on what to say, and then when her work was done, Sabrina the movie guided me into speaking as gracefully and tactfully as I could, even as a generous proportion of you must think that is impossible, but for once in my life I actually became proud of myself for achieving something, even as small as it is, that has been bothering me for about... seven years.
I really would never want to imagine growing up without her. And I can't.
Actually life has been very interesting nowadays. Not just because baseball season has become increasingly interesting (just today, the Yankees won two points ahead of the Red Sox in the 9th inning--11-9, man, wahoo!), but because God's given me so many good things, a selective number of which have gone away, and the best things (He has decided) He has let them stay.
Yesterday, my best friend Sabrina came over to our home. The last time she came was summer of 2006 (and I know this for a fact, because I made a whole entry about it in my old diary), and my younger brother accidentally cut a portion of her younger sister's hair that day. And I got my first cellphone that day. Sweet.
It was so fun having her over, just talking and spending time with one another. My brother showed her some YouTube videos, we played a few games on the Wii (which did I mention was given to us by my uncle and aunt because they simply had not much use for it?) and we shared a box of After Eight chocolate mint thins (my new favorite chocolate). I also showed her my comic book collection and we read a few comics while watching Sabrina, the 1954 Audrey Hepburn classic, starring Audrey Hepburn (of course), Humphrey Bogart, and William Holden.
In those hours I got to spend with Sabrina, it was the first in a long time where I didn't feel the worry or the weight of the world upon my shoulders or that I felt I was reaching for the moon. I was just absolutely grateful that she was my best friend, even if for only a while, or for only a day, or a second, and I didn't feel like I had to see the world as something I had to go against myself. I had someone else with me who made the world seem so unimportant, but I knew it was still very wonderful because it made me and Sabrina both grow up and find ourselves exactly the same.
I guess you could say it was just God, or it was just Something so great and so generous, that gave me the assurance that she would be my best friend forever. And I hope so too, no matter how dangerous the world could get.
After dropping off Rina at her home (I gave her one of my pairs of boots and a batch of brownies to bring home also), we attended a party at Shakey's. It was the 1st birthday of a little boy named Gabe born with a terrible disease and was cured by extracting the weaker of his lungs. It's a miracle that he's healthy and happy now, and more proof that God knows the best way how to save a life.
The entire time, my mind just was never on the party or the balloons or the provocative dancing Captain Shakey was doing in front of all us guests (well that did strike me a whole lot, but I easily overcame it). There were just so many children there. Not that it was a terrible thing, of course not.
It was just that there were so many children there, and I keep on thinking that someone has to take care of all of them, has to love them, has to set them free, and has to teach them the distinction between God and the world. And there are so many things they don't know, and I hope they don't find these things out soon or they might be terrified of how the world and reality is.
And for a long time, I've been thinking that someday I'll have to take responsibility for someone like these little ones.
Yes, my own kid. I once told Erk I wanted to name my kid Jimmy. Well, if I ever would get a son, that is.
Actually Jimmy exists in my subconcious world of fantasy as a little blonde child whom I adopted from the orphanage when he was about two or three. And I keep on praying that if I ever have a child or adopt one that I would make his life a wonderful life, that I would set him free and just make him happy. I just want to take care of someone for the rest of my life, is all. And I want Jimmy to grow up and become a wonderful man, an intelligent man, a loving man, a wise man. I don't want him to be perfect, because I can't take care of a perfect child, but I just want to love Jimmy, if God would give Jimmy to me.
And I really love Jimmy, just the idea of a curious little child in need of a mother--even if he exists in my mind as the embodiment of a gift from God, and perfectly wonderful in every way.
And also, last night, something happened and I became absolutely head over heels.
Well between myself and I (and Rina also), this could be quite a topic of conversation, but for anyone else daring to read this blog, I just can't explain everything.
I find it unfair that I can easily be the most uninteresting person alive, but I think I've learned how to deal with the odd vibe of awkwardness emanating from my words. No, really.
Possibly it was because at the beginning, Sabrina was helping me out and everything, both my best friend and the movie. Sabrina the best friend helped me out by advising me on what to say, and then when her work was done, Sabrina the movie guided me into speaking as gracefully and tactfully as I could, even as a generous proportion of you must think that is impossible, but for once in my life I actually became proud of myself for achieving something, even as small as it is, that has been bothering me for about... seven years.
I really would never want to imagine growing up without her. And I can't.