I hear God speaking to me.

I've found many things in my life rather unbelievable.

Whether they be good things or bad things--yes, unbelievable. It's strange how things could amaze you both because they shock you in ways you'd never want them to, and sometimes in ways you'd precisely want them to.

My quiet time today was taken after Chapter 12 of DPI's "Our God Is An Awesome God." This was actually the first time in about a week for me not to have quiet time; which I feel terrible about, because my petty reason for not doing so would always be because of the state of my heart & how I've been struggling with what-never-became "me & Mike."

But then, this particular lesson on Chapter 12 amazed me. It was entitled "Absolutely!" with the subtitle, "God of Truth."

At first I expected it to be more about honesty and how being honest would make us be more like Jesus. But as I read on, I encountered these scriptures:

Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. 

Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.”

(John 18:37)

[The devil] was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for

there is no truth in him. 

When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

(John 8:44)

I understood very well from my character study on Honesty that Lying is Satan's native language. And I realized as a disciple that sometimes in moments of struggle, both God and Satan whisper in your ear at the same time; and those who fail in heart fall for the comforts that Satan "promises" to give--which of course, he does not, as he always lies and whatever he says leads to destruction.

But then when God and Satan speak to you at the same time, it's so easy for the weak in heart and in spirit to be confused. The unwise and unguided person might fall into Satan's trap, thinking that it's the easier way out.

"Isn't it God's will to make me happy anyway?" some may think. 

"But why would God give you a harder way out of a bad situation?"

Looking back over the past week, I remembered my struggle over Mike. And I remember as well how I dealt with it. Instead of having quiet times, I'd draw and go on Tumblr, thinking they'd give me a sense of fulfillment. I was posting drawings on Facebook which many people liked to make myself feel better, and I blocked Mike & Aubrey's statuses on my News Feed to mask the truth. I also listened to MCR songs (MCR songs?) to bring me back to the "happier times in my life."

I was basically going back to my old self before I became a disciple. What ever happened to being convinced that life with Jesus was so much better?

And that's how I fell for Satan's lies. I thought I could cover up and avoid the reality of my struggles. "Mike Corpuz never liked me the same way I liked him, and I can't change that" was such a simple truth, but it was so difficult to swallow. But it was a real, solid, opaque truth that wouldn't go away, no matter how much I'd try to hide from it. And Satan kept on telling me over and over that I should work on making myself feel better by finding happiness in "things," not in God.

It's amazing though how God used two disciples who had written Chapter 12 of "Our God Is An Awesome God" and such simple scriptures to help me see what kind of lies I've been having Satan feed me all this time.

And honestly? Those lies just made me feel worse and hindered me even more from moving on, even though that's what I thought they would do. Did I really think I was obeying God by following all that?

And thinking back as well... it wasn't such a hard way out after all. 

Satan's solution involved a long process of endless, teary nights, dreary love poems and love songs, and "I-don't-want-to-see-you-ever-again" speeches replaying in my head.

God provided a simple solution: listen to Jesus and be on His side.

And after finally listening to the truth, the truth has set me free.

--

On a side note, I also discovered something absolutely incredible today.

After finding the Facebook account of my "semi-blind date" (it's more of a Glaucoma date, really), I sent him a Friend Request and just looked around his profile a bit, just to get to know him a little more.

It shocked me to find out that he studied at PATTS--a school for aeronautics and pilot training.

Suddenly I recalled everything Charlyn told me about him. He likes rock music. He has dreams of becoming a teacher in the kingdom. He has very spiritual and deep quiet times. He's fluent in English. He loves music & plays different instruments. He's incredibly courageous and he came from humble roots.

Then I remembered my dream of having a Travelling Ministry... and praying to have a partner who would help me establish that ministry.

And it scared me because it felt too good to be true... yet it felt strange and I didn't know if it could be...

I really thought it would be impossible to meet someone like him. And just from what I know about him, I'm already amazed.

For a few minutes I sat on my bed, and thought about it over and over. I thought about my kingdom dreams, God's dreams, and the past week. I thought about Mike, the Sismaet brothers, Charlyn, Eugene, and all those countries I could help because of this dream. I thought about my spiritual birthday, the date, my token for the date, and how I wished I'd know for sure if what I was praying for would be real.

I also prayed that the next person I really liked would be the absolute one for me.

I just haven't really met him yet. And really, if it's meant to be, it will be.

But... it just feels too good to be true.